Melonius Thunk

Which Do You Have: A Job or A Calling?

Here I go again, using one of Lori-Lyn's posts as a jumping off place for my own post.  We are obviously in a similar place in our personal journeys as her posts seem to speak to me often - and quite directly!

Yesterday Lori-Lyn wrote about "The work we do" - how we view our jobs/careers and how we choose them.  I started to post a comment on her blog, but before I knew it I had written paragraphs rather than sentences.  And since Lori-Lyn's blog is Lori-Lyn's blog, not mine, I decided it wasn't the forum for sharing in such detail my thoughts on the subject.  Thus, this post was born.  So here's what I wanted to say (more or less) in response to Lori-Lyn's post:

I'm right there with you, Lori-Lyn.  There are those who look at a job as a job - a means of making a living - nothing more, nothing less.  Good for them.  It probably makes their lives easier.  They are happy to be content.  And there are more opportunities in life to be content than to be fully engaged and fulfilled.

But not me.  I don't want to settle for content.  I envy the people who love what they do so much that they would do it even if they didn't make a penny.  It (whatever "it" is) is so much a part of them that not doing it is not an option.  Like you said, passion seems to be the key.  Passion isn't always easy to recognize - especially when we've been trained to think with our heads rather than our hearts.

I chose my first career with my head.  I was good at school and enjoyed learning, so an advanced degree seemed like a natural choice.  I looked at the options, considered the costs and rewards, and chose the career that I thought provided the most rewards:  financial stability and respect.  Financial stability certainly helps alleviate a lot of fear and worry, I'll give it that.  But relying on the respect of the outside world to give you self worth is just . . . sad.

[Some may question my intelligence at this point, seeing as how (1) it took me well into my 30's to come to this realization and (2) that I didn't do a damn thing about it until after turning 40.  The important thing, though, is that I finally got it!  Better late than never, and it really is never too late.]

I haven't discovered my passion just yet.  And that's okay.  I have ideas about what "it" might include, but I'm far from discovering my calling - that passion at the core of my heart.  Or maybe I'm not.  Maybe I know what "it" is but just have realized it yet.  And that's okay, too.  After all, my head has the benefit of 20+ years of formal education and an additional 15 years of exercising my logic muscle.  It makes sense that my heart and intuition might need a little time to get up to speed and really get in the game.

Nevertheless, I am happier than I can remember in my adult post-college days.  And it's a genuine happiness - a happiness that comes from the inside; from making decisions for myself; from living for myself; from accepting what is rather than trying to mold what is into what is not.  And THAT is a success for which I am proud - and a source of self-respect I can value!

Well, that's where I am.

Until next time,
~ Melony

Wax On, Wax Off, Repeat

I've had a big case of the "shoulds" lately.  I keep thinking that there are so many things that I *should* know, *should* be asking, and *should* be doing.  For example, I keep thinking that I *should* know by now what I want to do next.  That I *should* be treating this stage of picking my next career as a job itself -- sort of like what the experts say when someone is job hunting, to treat the hunt like a job.  That I *should* be setting concrete goals for myself.  (The goal-setting *shoulds* have been really loud here at the beginning of a new year.)

 

Last week I had an informational interview with creative coach Jamie Ridler of Jamie Ridler Studios.  And after talking to Jamie I keep thinking that I *should* Just Do It and try out some of the creative career ideas that interest me.  That I *should* be planning a creativity mini-workshop for my friends, for example.

 

Yesterday I read a couple of posts on Lori-Lyn's blog.  The first post was about following your heart, knowing yourself, and trusting yourself.  The other was about how she reconnected with her writing group on the day they would be setting their personal writing goals for 2010 and how she wondered what she would say for her goals. She went on to say how part of herself wanted to say that her goal was to have no goals - to just be and allow what comes naturally - while the other part of her wanted to have concrete, substantive goals.  She talked about how in that moment she realized that she had never allowed herself to be completely joyful about writing - that she had always made it too important or too holy.  In the end, she discovered that she did have some concrete pen-to-paper goals but that the shift in her thinking made the goals feel real and doable and that she did not feel like she was pretending to be something.

 

I had goosebumps while reading these posts and was struck with how exciting it is that Lori-Lyn is in such an awesome place (especially because not long ago she talked about giving up her writing dream).  I was so impressed with her "go with the flow" attitude, her complete openness to the future and acceptance of whatever the future will bring.  I was (and am) genuinely excited for her.  My friend has got it goin' on!

 

On my way to book club last night I found myself again thinking about today's session with my career coach, Monica, and what I wanted to focus on during our last session before we wrap up this phase of my career journey.  I was heading in the direction of putting on paper my plans for a creativity mini workshop for friends so that I could show Monica that I was doing what I *should* be doing.  And at some point it hit me:  I haven't let go of the need to please others.  At that moment, if I had sat down and started planning a mini-workshop, it would have been primarily to have some homework to show Monica.  It would not have been primarily for me, even though I am interested in doing such.  The homework motivation isn't so bad in and of itself, it's the pattern that bothers me.  That's why I think I *should* know what I want to do next -- not because I personally think I should know but because I want to have The Answer when others ask.

 

My thoughts then jumped to my goal setting dilemma.  I had been putting pressure on myself to set some concrete goals because I felt like that's what I was supposed to be doing (again based on what I'm reading and hearing from others).

 

Let me back up a minute.  Jamie Ridler told me to do two things:  1. Just Do It; and 2. Allow myself to just enjoy being creative for a while.

 

So I have to ask myself:  Why do I think that 1. is valid and 2. is not?  Why did I immediately jump to "I've got to start planning a workshop that could someday become a money generator"?

 

The truth is, I do want to explore creativity workshops as a possible piece to my next career.  But I don't want to edit all of my ideas with a money-making people-pleasing filter.  What I really want is to just engage in the process because it's fun and it's something I want to do and then see where it leads.  I want to break my cycle of turning fun things into tasks.  I want to practice the advice of the numerous career counselors who say to find what you love, do it, and the money will follow.

 

Toward the end of 2009 I decided that I was going to put being creative on the back burner so that I could focus on de-cluttering and organizing my physical space to make more room for being creative.  That worked well for a while but then life happened and I got distracted and I ended up with neither -- I wasn't being creative because I had set a rule for myself that I could only be creative AFTER I finished working around the house.  So I was essentially stuck in my own mud.  Yuck!

 

I think I mentioned that I bought a sewing machine?  Well, it's still in the box.  For two reasons:  1. I haven't finished cleaning up and organizing my house, and 2. my grandmother thinks I should wait until I have a lesson -- which ultimately comes back to #1 because when I tell her that the class isn't until late February she says "good - that'll give you time to work around the house".  And you know what happens?  Then I don't want to do either!  Geez, I'm really messed up, huh?

 

I hope you've been able to follow all of my rambling stream-of-consciousness writing.  I'll try to sum it up here:

 

My goal is to stop setting inconsequential rules for myself and allow myself to just go with the flow and enjoy the process.  I may have said this before, but I think it's worth repeating - because I obviously haven't met this goal yet!  Instead of trying to take something and mold it into an income producing career, I want to just do what feels right, good, and rewarding and then see what career evolves.  Does this make sense?  Am I whacked out in left field?  Because it certainly feels right to me!

 

Yes, I've dealt with the people-pleasing and self-imposed rules before; but I obviously have not yet mastered the challenges they present.  I'm like Ralph Machio in The Karate Kid with Mr. Miyagi telling me to wax on, wax off, repeat while I want to jump ahead to the juicy stuff.  But just as Ralph Machio's character was learning fundamental karate steps under the guise of waxing a car, I too am learning fundamental life skills that will benefit me throughout life.  So I will continue to question the basis of my "shoulds", my self-imposed rules, and my urge to please others.  Looks like learning to listen to my intuition and trust myself is a toll booth on this journey I call My Life.

 

Wax on.  Wax off.  Repeat.

The Weight of Comfort

While making the bed this morning I was thinking about how much I like to burrow down under the blankets on a cold winter's night -- like last night.  How I like to feel the weight of the quilts and down comforters on my body and how that weight gives me comfort.  Which led me to ask "What is the weight of comfort?"

That's sort of like asking "What is the cost of happiness?" when you know money cannot buy happiness, isn't it?

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that - at least for me - comfort does have a weight.

In the winter it might be the weight of the blankets enveloping me while I sleep.  Or perhaps the weight of a favorite sweater, scarf, or hat.  Or even the weight of a mug of hot chocolate that knocks off a winter chill.

In the summer, it's the weight of a soft breeze fluttering across my body.  Or the weight of the cool water of a swimming pool.

There's also the weight of what comforts me throughout all seasons, like a hug from a loved one.  Or the weight of the telephone receiver that spans the physical divide between me and a dear friend.  Or the weight of puppy dog kisses that fill my heart with joy.

So maybe the question "What is the cost of happiness?" isn't so rhetorical after all.  But I'll leave that question for another day. 

Today I am simply enjoying the weight of comfort.

Go with the Flow

In the past several months, I have reconnected via the world-wide-web with my childhood friend, Lori-Lyn.  We have both changed since our days of playing flute in Mr. Shubert's 4th, 5th, and 6th grade band classes - growing up will do that to you.  But while reading Lori-Lyn's blog post today, I sensed a kindred spirit, as if we are both at a similar place in our individual, personal journeys.  Lori-Lyn's post really resonated with me as I related to her description of discovering a dream, holding off from action at times and pushing at other times, only to find that letting go of the reigns and following the path of least resistence is the way to go.

And this led me to my visualization for today:

I'm floating in a body of water.  I've tried swimming against the tide (pushing, if you will) and I've tried treading water (maintaining the status quo) and both were trying endeavors that got me no where fast and left me exhausted, if not a little dejected.  So now I'm going with the flow - I'm allowing myself to soak in the restorative power of the water while allowing the water to support me, giving in to the water's natural rhythm, immersing myself in the water's refreshing nature.  Yes, I'm allowing the water to lead me and allowing what lies ahead to come to me.  What a gift this is!  I can enjoy the scenery in a way that isn't possible when I'm doing the navigating.  And from my vantage point, the future is looking good!

Thank you, Lori-Lyn, for sharing a segment of your journey with me.  I sense the universe has great gifts in store for each of us. 

In the meantime, I must remember that patience is a virtue!

Hello 2010, it's nice to meet you. I think we're going to be great friends.

I find myself "Like"-ing my friends' Facebook status updates saying good riddance to 2009 and bring it on 2010.  But each time I hit that Like button, I hit a little speed bump.  I know that 2009 was a very challenging year for many - if not most - of us.  And I am soooo ready for the promise and possibility 2010 holds.  But I must say that, despite its challenges, 2009 was a pretty remarkable year for me.  After all, I:

• Took my first trip to Europe
• Found the voice of Mellonius Thunk
• Took a photography class
• Assembled a Creative Toolbox
• Participated in Art Every Day Month
• Learned how to crochet
• Made handmade Christmas gifts for friends and family
• Reconnected with old friends and nurtured new friendships
• Spent meaningful quality time with family and friends
  
  and perhaps most significantly -- and certainly most bravely:
  
• Followed my heart out of my legal career and onto a new journey

And that's just a sampling of the many blessings I received in 2009.

So it is with great appreciation and an open heart that I bid adieu to 2009 and gladly receive 2010 in its stead.

"Hello 2010, it's nice to meet you.  I think we are going to be great friends." 

Great friends indeed.